


After Ever After

by PatchworkIdeas



Series: Raffle Prizes [4]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Snow Queen Fusion, Gen, Happy Ending, Healing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-23 14:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23712652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: Healing might not happen over night, but they are together, and they are alive, and everything else will come in time.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Series: Raffle Prizes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687792
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	After Ever After

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarigoldVance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarigoldVance/gifts).



The return from the mountains was much easier than the initial trip up.

The snow was rapidly melting, disappearing as magically as it first started. The howling winds let up and Kili could almost convince himself that he could see the first buds of spring, even if it was likely no more than a dead branch. Winter may have been over, but the land needed time to recover.

Fili was quiet, withdrawn, but offered no resistance when Kili ushered him out of those cold halls and onto the back of his trusty mare, who luckily had more faith in her master’s return than Kili had in himself.

His brother didn't look like he had the strength to make the journey on foot. He could barely hold himself up in the saddle and Kili couldn't help but swaddle him in all the blankets he had, still worried about frozen fingers and the ice in his beard which only slowly, slowly seemed to melt, as Kili fussed over his brother.

Kili didn't understand what had happened, how their reunion could have been enough to break whatever curse had held Fili in its grasp, but he wasn't about to question it now. Now was for getting food into his much too thin brother, regularly warming the ice-cold hands between his own, and for desperate promises that Fili would be okay now, that they would be okay, and that no one would ever tear them apart again.

Their journey back home was quiet and uninterrupted.  
The whole land was celebrating, and luckily for them nobody paid too much attention to two wary travelers.

Their mother was delighted to miraculously have both of her sons back, even if Fili refused to speak, still retreating into himself.  
She remembered why Kili left though, kept asking questions - as did their neighbors - until Kili came up with a story of a snow queen, a woman with a frozen heart who had kept his brother captured.  
He told them she shattered like glass when he defeated her.

The story spread like wildfire.

Kili had traveled far and wide to find the Snow Queen and avenge his brother - plenty of people still remembered him. Within days he was lauded as the hero of the kingdom.  
Kili just wanted peace, and to keep Fili away from all the fuss, so that he could heal from whatever had actually happened.  
So when the King visited them to grant him a boon in reward for his services, that's what Kili asked for: A quiet place of their own where he could nurse his brother back to health.

-

The hunting cabin was beautiful. More than big enough for two, with a warm fireplace, a soft bed and all the comforts anyone could wish for.  
They had plenty of wood and a pantry stocked to bursting.  
Their King had been kind, and after realizing that Kili had no use or want for endless treasure or a place among royalty, he had graciously decided that they would both be taken care of for the rest of their lives.  
Kili technically owned a lot of the wilderness around their house and had the King’s permission to hunt as he wished, but it would be a while before Kili took advantage of that offer.

Fili wasn’t doing too well: still refusing to speak, never reaching out by himself and looking lost and forlorn either into the distance or at his own hands far more often than Kili was comfortable with.

His brother had all but panicked - in that new, quiet way of his: all rigid shoulders, ragged breathing, eyes unfocused and almost, almost reaching out for him - when Kili mentioned going out to hunt.

So the idea was shelved for the foreseeable future.

Instead, he made hot teas and warm food and pulled more blankets around the two of them when they settled in front of the fire.

Kili missed his brother fiercely, the one he would smile and laugh and joke with, but he had lost him years ago, an old wound that was still aching and probably always would.

But he still had Fili, as changed as he was. He still loved him, even if whatever happened made Fili as brittle as the ice he once controlled.

Well, ‘controlled’ wasn't quite right.

There were days, when Fili stared into nothingness for just a moment too long, when ice would creep over his finger and clothes, trying to coat him whole.  
There was no control there, even if it stopped readily enough, and could be prevented, as long as Kili paid attention to him and took care of his brother.  
Maybe it was this constant, unconditional love and attention, Kili's acceptance of who Fili was and who he’d become, that finally allowed Fili to start healing.

It wasn't much, initially, but Kili knew he didn’t imagine the whispered "thank you", even if he had been on the brink of falling asleep.  
Technically, the cabin held two beds, but aside from an hour on the very first night, the second bed had never been used; Fili had nightmares and Kili had spent too many nights alone, mourning him.

There was confusion in Fili's eyes the next morning, along with a strange, familiar light, before Fili looked away, uncertain, and the light was lost again. But Fili didn't stop him when Kili climbed in the next evening or any evening that followed, and sometimes they would wake up with hands intertwined and a soft, fragile smile on Fili's lips, and that was enough.

Kili might have had hopes for long evenings spent talking and playing and enjoying themselves, but each quiet word that Fili actually spoke was so much more precious than any dream.

His voice was rough and quiet, and at first Kili had to really listen, strain his ears to catch it at all.

But with every time Kili paid attention - slowly, painfully coaxing Fili along, sometimes by pretending nothing had changed, sometimes by just quietly being there for him, depending on his moods, which Kili came to know as well as his own - Fili would come out of his shell just a little bit more, feel a bit more secure about voicing a thought.

Kili reveled in it.

Fili's voice wasn't strong enough for reading yet, but when he asked for stories Kili was quick to deliver - and when he ran out of books, he made them up himself, adjusting as needed, based on how much Fili's mouth twitched and his eyes warmed.

Their next delivery had a cart full of books and they spent a day building a bookcase.  
Fili helped.

Eventually, in the middle of summer, the world hot and bright and beautiful, Fili asked him about his hunting, a skill Kili had learned as a kid, but perfected during the long journey to find his brother.  
Kili couldn’t hunt anything bigger than a hare with Fili in tow, his brother too unused to traversing the wilds anymore, but he smiled at Kili's enthusiasm and helped prepare the meat. Kili found him on the porch that next morning, out on his own for the very first time, preparing the fur for later.

It wasn't quite what Fili had done before - he had worked as an apprentice to a tanner before everything went wrong - but he obviously knew enough about the preparation to at least give it a go. Kili had no idea about this part of the process - he used to sell the skinned hides to whoever was paying the best price, ever moving onward with his quest.  
Fili's first attempt might not have worked out very well - the leather turned out stiff and the fur didn't hold as well as it should - but it still had a place of honor over their fireplace.

With time, Fili got better: at leather work and other things, preparing the furs for their cabin, and making warm patchwork quilts out of smaller pieces. They ended up with enough blankets to keep a whole family warm during winter, but there was something about curling up under a mountain of blankets and furs, enjoying the warmth and the strangely reassuring weight.

There were still days of uncertainty, when Fili kept quiet, something heavy holding him back that he couldn’t shake off to set himself free, fear in his eyes which Kili couldn't understand.  
Kili still didn't know what had happened, how everything could have fallen apart around them like that, but his questions paled in comparison to the need to take care of Fili until he felt truly safe again.

That didn't mean that he was as subtle in swallowing them as he had hoped.

One evening, winter come and gone, basking in the warm early summer twilight, they sat on their porch stairs, tea in their hands, and looked out into the peaceful forest all around. 

And then Fili spoke.  
He spoke more than he had spoken at any given time since their reunion, perhaps more than the last two years put together, until his voice was rough again. He refused to stop until he’d said all he had to say, his eyes begging Kili to just listen and keep his questions to himself just a little bit longer.

And so his story was told.

Fili was at the market, looking for a birthday present for Kili, when a lady from one of the traveling carts teased him about looking for something for a sweetheart.  
It shouldn't have meant anything. It didn't mean anything and Fili should have moved on and forgotten all about it.  
But he didn’t.  
Because to him, it rang true.

To this day, he didn't know why that was the moment his powers manifested. A punishment perhaps, for his treacherous thoughts, for having everything he could have ever desired and wanting more, wanting what he shouldn't have wanted and could never have and losing everything instead.

He didn't understand why, but when everything he touched froze under his fingers, a storm brewing with him at the center, Fili knew he couldn't return, couldn't risk hurting his family, hurting Kili, both with the sudden cold and with the desires he wasn’t supposed to have.

So he ran.

He thought that maybe if he purged those emotions from his heart, his punishment would end and he might be allowed to return, try to undo the damage he had done.

But it only got worse.  
Worse and worse until he couldn't risk getting close to anyone at all, until he should have died, wanted to die, but couldn't, the magic sustaining him even when the cold seeped in his bones and his stomach remained empty and his loss choked him worse than either ever could.  
The palace had been his prison and his attempt to be easy to find.

He couldn’t find a way not to be a threat to everyone around him, so he became a monster that deserved slaying, and he welcomed the end that would surely come for him.

And then Kili came.

And the storm vanished like it had never been there at all, even if his heart couldn’t be healed as easily.

Fili still felt it in his bones sometimes. Waiting to break out, to wreak havoc and destruction. But Kili tamed it.  
Like a wild beast turned into a purring kitten, it settled under Kili's touch, a touch that warmed him, always had, and that still meant more than Fili could find the words for.

He would never, ever ask for more.

But it wouldn't be fair to Kili to deceive him any longer, wasn't fair that he gave innocent touches and love that Fili couldn't help but interpret differently.  
Kili had already seen him at his worst, seen the monster in him, and Fili only hoped that Kili could forgive him and trust him to keep it at bay at least.

Fili's voice finally gave out, the cup in his hands all but frozen over, frost creeping up his sleeves and covering his beard. Kili's cup, forgotten in the midst of his brother's story, steamed. 

"You love me?" Kili's voice felt strange to his own ears, far away and not as soft as it should have been; as he had deliberately made it all this time. 

"You _left_ because you _love me._ " His breathing went ragged, and he tried so hard to bite his tongue, not wanting the angry words to spill out. Not now, not when Fili was finally starting to heal, when he trusted him enough to share, but it was building and building, a roar fighting to break out, to scream his anger and frustration out into the world again. 

Fili loved him.  
Fili left _because_ he loved Kili. 

It wasn't the tea boiling, swapping over his white knuckled fingers that broke him out of his raging thoughts, out of anger and desperation and love howling at the betrayal, at how little his brother had trusted him, how all of this, all these years, could have been prevented if Fili had just come to him, _trusted him._

No, it was the steam hissing, engulfing them both where Fili touched him, reflexively trying to protect Kili's fingers from the burning fluid. 

They jumped apart, the cup breaking on the ground, proof seeping into the ground and burning the grass. 

Kili felt tight, ready to burst, to turn the world to cinder and ash, rage, rage, rage against years and years and years of pain and misery for something... Something he would have...

The scream was inching out of his throat, fire in his veins and smoke in his nostrils and the need to leave itched in his legs. Rational thought was fleeing the carnage and all he knew was that if he stayed, if he stayed, he would burn, and he would burn his world with him. 

Fili didn't let him. 

For the first time in years, his brother not only reached for him, but lunged, throwing them both to the ground and embracing him, keeping hold even when Kili lost his own fight, howls and fire and a different kind of death pouring out of his very being. 

The steam hid them in seconds, white and all compassing.  
His world went white and Kili let it. 

The first thing he noticed when he came to was his skin, raw, itching and utterly exposed.

The second were arms wrapped around him.

The third was his brothers voice, repeating a phrase until all meaning was bled from it, syllables running into each other. 

Kili breathed and existed and took a felt eternity to understand that Fili was trying to reassure him, telling him it was okay, would be okay, that he wasn't alone. 

Maybe he was telling himself, too. Kili felt his brother's trembling, heard the staccato breath and lifted aching arms to hold Fili tight and stroke his back before the realization that his brother was having a panic attack again had fully formed. 

Kili didn't feel far from it himself, though the exhaustion dulled the edge. His throat felt like gravel and he coughed smoke, but he persevered, the words pressing against him, needing to be said, the world spinning around him with just one thing he knew to be true. 

"I love you."

He whispered his devotion into Fili's ear, more breath than voice and said it again and again, until both their voices where nothing more than broken gasps, coming from broken lips, trying to find their way home.

It would take days until they could sit down together and actually talk, days spent processing and touching and letting their hands do the talking.  
It was frustrating, but perhaps necessary. 

Kili was still angry, but more at fate than at Fili, having felt the magic in his veins, the way it tore at him, took him apart at the seams until thought was all but impossible. 

It was little wonder Fili had run, as much as the thought still pained Kili. 

They would spent weeks and months learning each other, finding balance in both their powers and their temperaments.  
Kili coaxing more and more honest smiles and laughter and freely given touches out of Fili while Fili steadied him, helped him through the upheaval, gave him control and finding his own in the process.  
They were two parts of a whole, their unwanted powers balancing each other out, able to hurt the world and themselves, but not each other. 

But for now they sat on the scorched porch and found ways to say "I love you" without saying anything at all.


End file.
